there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
