Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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