I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
