Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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