After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
