I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
