problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
