rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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