And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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