my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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