my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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