Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize