the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
