I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
