dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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