i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
