your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
