Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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