rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
