Me. At least after what I've been through.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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