Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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