He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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