i just had sex bonerless
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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