a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
