there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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