how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
