Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
