Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
