Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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