Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
