fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
