Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
