Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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