I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
