the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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