what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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