It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
