Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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