Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
