His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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