just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
