I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
