I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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