I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
