awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
