dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
