I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
