Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just tell him i said nine months
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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