Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
now i know why i became what i already was.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
