i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
