her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize