I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
