Do you still have your period?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
