The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize