I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
