I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
