My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
