u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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