Can Purell be used as lube?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
