6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize