Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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