Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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