Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
