I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
