You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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